Raining Cats, Dogs and Mutants
by todd fan
Summary: COMPLETE! A parody of Disney's Oliver and Company!
1. Give a kitten a home

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I may be a beginner at some things, but I've got a black belt in shopping!"

**&&&&**

Oh yes, I'm updating another parody, so I have at least one more updated before I have to go back to uni in October. The movie I am slaughtering with little (okay more like no) mercy this time is the Disney classic 'Oliver and Company'.

:"...Wouldn't that make this another parody of a parody", asks Forge, "...as seen as Oliver and Company is based on Oliver twist?"

...For that insolence, you're the director!

"...But", protests Forge

I have spoken! Now, go get your animal-making gizmo ready.

"Do we **have** to be zapped with that machine?", asks Jamie, "...I mean, couldn't Mastermind just make it **look** like we're animals?"

No, Jason has a role in the parody, so there...plus, this is more fun.

"Okay, all you animal people, stand still and I'll zap you", says Forge, holding up a funny looking gizmo

"This **is** reversible...right?", asks Jamie

"Err...maybe", says Forge, "**SAY CHEESE**!"

**&&&&&**

ACT 1 - Give a kitten a home

**&&&&&**

We open on Bayville, where we head off into the city, as Pietro sings in the background

"Great, I get to sing", sighs Pietro, "I can't wait until Todd Fan re-does her Wild Wild West parody, I was the star of that one"

"**CO** star", reminds Forge.

"Oh please", snorts Pietro, "I carried you"

**Now it's always once upon a time in Bayville city**

**It's a big old, bad old, tough old town, it's true**

**But beginnings are contagious there**

**They're always setting stages there**

**They're always turnin' pages there for you.**

We see a small box with 'kittens for sale' above it. Inside, are Jamie, Sam, Ray, Evan, Torpid and Danielle, all changed into kittens, sitting looking sad

"You're supposed to be frolicking kittens", snaps Forge, "now **FROLIC**!"

"I'm frolicking, I'm frolicking, seesh!", snaps Jamie

"Mew, meow , meow", says Sam dryly.

"Awwwwwww!", says Pietro, "I want the Evan kitten, I can flush him down the toilet"

"Come here, Pietro", smirks Evan, "I'll give you rabies"

'**Aint it great the way it all begins in Bayville City?**

**Right away you're making time and making friends**

**No one cares where you were yesterday**

**If they pick you out you're on your way**

**To a once upon a time that never ends**

The 'kittens' start to be chosen by new owners one by one...except for Jamie, who is ignored

"But I'm the cutest!", protests Jamie, "Look at my little whiskers and furry feet!"

**So Jamie, now, don't be shy**

**Get out there and go and try**

**Believing that you're the guy they're dying to see**

**'Cause a dream's no crime**

**For once upon a time**

**Once upon a time in Bayville City**

Sam is the last kitten to be taken, leaving Jamie alone, it suddenly turns to night time, where thunderstorm is drenching everything

"Rain, rain, rainy, rain, rain!", giggles Storm drunkenly as she flies around.

"…Who let her at the liqueur cabinet again?", sighs Forge.

The sign above the kitten box is saying the Jamie is for free. Poor little Jamie scrunches up in his box, trying to get shelter from the rain and wind.

**If it's always once upon a time in Bayville city**

**Why does nightfall find you feeling so alone?**

**How can anyone stay starry eyed**

**When it's raining cats and dogs outside**

**And the rain is saying 'now you're on your own'?**

The cardboard box starts to fill with water as Jamie mews helplessly to passers-by who ignore him

"Frightened, cold, wet kitten here", calls Jamie, "helloooo people!".

As he leans onto the side of his cardboard box, it collapses with the strain of water. He starts to skid towards a drain, luckily, a piece of the box clogs it just long enough for him to scramble back onto the pavement

**So Jamie, now, don't be scared**

**Though yesterday no one cared**

**They're getting your place prepared**

**Where you wanna be**

**Keep your dream alive**

**Dreaming is still how the strong survive**

**Once upon a time in Bayville city**

Jamie dejectedly starts to trudge along, until he is faced by Sabertooth, X23 and Logan, now transformed into dogs

"I should be a cat!", mutters Sabertooth.

"You're a dog, get over it", says Forge simply.

They snarl at Jamie and chase him over a fence. Jamie leaps onto a wheel of a tractor, hiding from the lightning. He gives a small sad sigh, washes his paw and settles down to sleep

"Woe is me, the poor little kitten", sobs Jamie.

**Keep your dream alive**

**Dreaming is still how the strong survive**

**Once upon a time in Bayville city**

**Keep your dream alive**

**Dreaming is still how the strong survive**

**Once upon a time in Bayville city**

**And it's always once upon a time in Bayville city...**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW", say the cast in unison.

"If I'm this cute, how come I can't get a girlfriend?", asks Jamie.

**&&&&&**

And another parody re-write starts! Click onwards for the second act, yes I'm in a generous mood today! 


	2. Old Bluey

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "The sea monkey has my money"

**&&&&**

Okay, due to increasing hostilities in our cast from being turned into animals, I'm going to do something never before...I'm calling in a Co Director.

"What! None of the other directors had a 'co' director!", snorts Forge.

None of the other directors had to deal with an almost all animal cast, dear.

"Jive Turkey", snaps Forge, "So who am I supposed to be working with?"

"Hello...partner!", grins Rahne.

"...You really hate me don't you, Todd Fan?", asks Forge, "I mean, you make me suffer all the time!"

Forge, I don't hate you...

"Yes you do!", snaps Forge, "You've always liked the frog better, admit it!"

Well, I am **TODD** Fan.

"I win, you lose, neh neh neh neh neh neh!", chants Todd

"Shut up and get to your place", growls Forge, "at least she likes comic Me better than comic You. Comic Toad scares the crap out of her"

"…..You're going to make me cry", sniffles Todd.

**&&&&**

ACT 2 - Old Bluey

**&&&&**

The next morning, Jamie is still curled up on the tractor tyre when the tractor suddenly starts up, the wheel moving and hurling Jamie off

"Argggg!", screams Jamie, "Kitten abuse again!"

Jamie hides under a Bayville Hawks cap while the tractor drives away, before peeking out and stepping into the busy Bayville morning street. Lucid walks past carrying a stereo, listening to rap music. Jamie starts to dance after him, before tripping up. Various Bayville residents mill around, not noticing the small kitten at their feet.

"Am I invisible or something!", asks Jamie

Jamie follows a crowd towards a street crossing when screeching tyres are heard and he dashes back across to the sidewalk. He falls down again, almost being trampled by feet)

"'S'cuse me, can't you see I'm pushing something here?", snaps Kurt, walking by pushing a hot dog cart, "Oh man, this is the best role, **ever**! Just breathe in all that junk food!"

"….We're going tae end this parody with a very fat Elf", muses Rahne.

"Maybe we can poke him with sticks?", shrugs Forge.

"Come on folks, step right up! Get your hot dogs", shouts Kurt, "The best hot dogs in Bay-ville!"

Jamie sniffs the air and runs over to the cart. Kurt sees him and shoos him away

"Hey, get out of here. Shoo! Go on, kitty!", he snaps, "**MY** food!"

Jamie sighs dejectedly and pads away. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, Todd is walking along the road, now transformed into a dog

"At least it wasn't a toad", sighs Todd.

He carries on walking, Rogue, now a little hairy dog, walking past him on a leash held by Callisto. He pauses and jumps onto the top of a taxi cab. He starts to blow kisses at her

"Hya", he says flirtatiously.

Rogue stares at him before turning her nose up and trotting off with Callisto

"Not a chance, Swamp-Breath!", she says.

"La-de-da", mocks Todd.

He pauses, hearing Kurt shouting, he turns to see Jamie hanging onto Kurt's leg as Kurt desperately tries to shake him off

"Well well. Looks like Bluey's got a visitor", he says, "Could be time for the Toad to turn this into a total cat-astrophe"

"Har de har har", says Jamie dryly, "you are the king of puns"

"Get offa me, you overgrown rat!", snaps Kurt, shaking his leg.

"Look who's talking!", snaps Jamie.

He kicks out his foot, sending Jamie into a trash can in an alley, causing 3 kittens to appear, all with banana skins on their heads

"Awwwwww the kitten that brings you more!", says Rahne

"We should go into marketing, we could make millions", grins Forge.

Jamie clears his throat and reabsorbs the kittenples so there is just him

"Oooooh you sure picked the wrong guy to get hot dogs from, kid", says Todd.

Jamie shakes the banana skin off and looks up to see Todd lying on top of a trashcan. He backs away quickly...trying to look fierce

"Get away from me!", he warns, bearing his tiny little kitten teeth.

"Awww how could anything so cute be fierce?", chuckles Todd, "Whoah. Chill out, man, I don't eat cats, it's too much fur. I've been watching you and I think you're in serious need of some professional guidance"

He jumps off the trashcan and Jamie falls into a trash can lid, Todd simply lies down by it casually

"Now what do ya say we team up and change Old Bluey's mind about sharing some of those hot-dogs?", he grins.

"I'm not going back **there** again", mutters Jamie sadly.

He turns to walk away, but Todd swings the trash can lid so he's facing him again

"Hey. It'd be a snap, kid. I'm an expert at these things", he says, "All you gotta do is learn some moves"

"...Moves?", asks Jamie

"You know, tempo. Ooo-cha-ba. A rhythm", says Todd, "This city's got a beat. Ya gotta hook into it"

"Have you any idea how much like Forge you're sounding?", asks Jamie, arching a brow.

"What's wrong with the way I speak, Jive Turkey!", snaps Forge

"Case in point", says Jamie.

"And once you got the beat, you can do anything", says Todd.

"I can?", asks Jamie hopefully.

"Absitively posolutely", grins Todd.

"...Freak", mutters Jamie.

Todd heads off down the alley, Jamie following him. Todd points to where Kurt is preparing a hot-dog for someone in the street

"The guy you see before you is affectionately known as 'Old Bluey'", he says, "A well known enemy of the four-legged world"

"Am not!", snaps Kurt, "I donate to WSPA!"

"Our mission, cat, is to liberate those all-beef kosher franks", says Todd, "and hightail it outta here"

He pushes Jamie in front of him with his paw, as if measuring up something

"Starting to feel that rhythm?"

"Well...errrr...", says Jamie.

Forge pokes Lance, who sighs and causes the ground to shake

"Yeah, yeah, I feel it!", he grins, "When are we gonna get those hot-dogs?"

"Right...now"

Todd suddenly starts to bark like a rabid creature, making Jamie scream and run off towards Kurt. Jamie leaps onto Kurt for safety, Todd using the diversion to pull a string of sausages from the cart and wrapping them around his neck. Todd runs off, Jamie following after him.

"And cut", says Forge.

"Why cannae I say cut?", asks Rahne

"You're just hired help", sniffs Forge

"Am not!", snaps Rahne

"Are so!", snaps Forge.

**&&&&**

Click onwards again for even **MORE** chapter joy! 


	3. Street savoir fair

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "He ran into my knife...he ran into my knife ten times".

**&&&&**

Luckily the Rahne and Forge argument has been solved. After spending a LOOOOONG time talking, we agreed that Rahne would direct the dog actors, while Forge would direct Jamie and the humans...ahhh such sweet bliss.

**&&&&**

ACT 3 - Street savoir fair

**&&&&&**

Jamie follows after Todd into a construction site, Todd still carrying the sausages.

"Hey, you really got that rhythm, kid", grins Todd.

"Uuuuhh...yeah? We were good, huh?", Jamie grins hopefully, "So when are we gonna eat?"

"We?", asks Todd, walking off, Jamie following him.

"Yeah, I'm starving!", says Jamie

"Listen, kid. I hate to break it to ya", says Todd, "but the dynamic duo is now the dynamic uno"

"Like the card game?", asks Jamie then frowns, "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is our partnership is herewith dissolved", says Todd.

He jumps into a pipe that's being carried up and along the yard by a crane

"Wait!", yells Jamie, "You're not being fair!"

"Fairs are for tourists, kid", says Todd, "Consider it a free lesson in street savoir fair, from Bayville's coolest quadruped. Check ya later"

"...You **ARE** talking like me", blinks Forge, "Quit it!"

"I direct the dogs, I tell him to quit it", sniffs Rahne, "Quit it, Todd!"

Todd hops from the pipe and starts off down the construction site. Jamie following close behind

"Hey, wait! I helped you get those!", shouts Jamie, "Half of those are mine!"

As Todd walks under a beam being lifted by the crane, Jamie runs on top of it, landing on a barrier in front of Todd, who smirks at him

"Ya want 'em? Come and get 'em"

He swings the sausages around his neck

"Do I have to howl?", he asks with a groan

"Yes", says Rahne, "'Tis easy, just throw ye head back and let it rip"

Todd looks at her and sighs.

"Hoooowwwwllll!"

**Uh-huh**

He jumps over the barrier

"But I'm warnin' ya kid", he shouts, then begins to sing.

**One minute I'm in the New Mall**

**Then I'm down by Bayville High**

Todd starts to jump across cars in the street, Jamie in hot pursuit, falling through a sunroof as Todd jumps on top of a cement mixer, stepping with it as it moves around

**Say, from the river to the cove**

**There's a syncopated beat**

**Like I said**

**Whooo-hooo**

**Whoo-hoo-ooo**

**I'm street wise**

Jamie takes a leap at him, falling off the truck and into the wet cement below. Todd kicks the funnel of the mixer, and slides down into the cement next to Jamie

"I hope I can get this out of my fur", Jamie pauses, "...I NEVER thought I'd say that"

"Eet doesn't come out unless you use paint thinner", nods Kurt sagely, "...trust me"

**I can improvise**

**Said ooo-hoo**

**Whoo-hoo-oo**

**I'm street smart**

**I got Bayville city heart**

He walks past Jamie and kicks in a fire hydrant, using the stream to wash his feet..err paws

**Why should I worry**

**Why should I care**

**I may not have a dime**

**But I got street savoir fair**

As Jamie runs towards him, he lifts his leg, so Jamie gets hit by a jet of water, causing two kittenples to form, then get reabsorbed. Todd crosses over a heating vent to dry off, Jamie trying the same and being carried up by the air

**Why should I worry**

**Why should I care**

**It's just be-bopulation**

**I got street savoir fair**

Jamie falls down from the vents all fluffed up

"I look like a beanie baby!", mutters Jamie.

Todd trails the sausages under and around a table where Tabby is selling sunglasses

**Mmmm-hmmm**

**The rhythm of the city**

**Boy, once you get it down**

**Then you can own this town**

**You can wear the crown**

As Jamie runs towards Tabby's stall, Todd tips it over, catching a pair of sunglasses on his face and walking off again

"I hope you're going to pay for that!", shouts Tabby.

"That from a kleptomaniac", mutters Todd under his breath.

**Why should I worry**

**Tell me, why should I care**

**Say, I may not have a dime**

**Oh, but I got street savoir fair**

Jean and Mystique, both dogs...female dogs, you could say they are...

"PG fic, PG fic!", screams Forge.

..Sorry. Jean and Mystique start to sway to the music as Todd leaps onto a piano as it's raised above the city, playing out a tune with his tail

**Why should I worry**

**Why should I care**

**It's just doo-wopulation**

**And I got street savoir fair**

Jean and Mystique, in a fit of musical keenness, sing along.

_**Everything goes**_

_**Everything fits**_

Todd grabs some flowers from the windowsill and throws them at Mystique and Jean, who giggle

**They love me at the Gut Bomb**

**They adore me at the Pit **

"For those not familiar with Todd Fan's work, the Pit is a bar..yeah", Forge pauses, "she hasn't mentioned that place in a long, long time"

Jamie has been walking along a window ledge when he makes a dive for the sausages, only sliding on the keys of the piano and falling down, hitting a few wind breakers before landing in a box of tomatoes, kittenplying again.

**Why should I worry**

**Why should I care, yeah**

**And even when I cross that line**

**I got street savoir fair**

Todd jumps down the same route as Jamie, but avoiding the fruit stand and landing on top of a car that Storm is driving

"**MY CAR**!", screams Storm

**Whoo-hoo**

**Said ooo, whoo-hoo-oo**

All the canine residents of Bayville look up and start to follow him, barking and yapping. Todd leans down from the top of the car and blows a raspberry at Storm, making her scream and slam on the breaks. He jumps off and carries on down the street

**Whoo-ooo**

**Woo-hooo-ooo**

**Whoo- hoo**

**Woo-ooo-oo**

"You're paying for that, you rotten frog-dog….thing", shouts Storm.

All the dogs howl at him as he goes into a side street, passing Bobby, Sam, Ray, Evan and Facade, now all rats

"...Well, **THAT'S** nice!", mutters Ray.

**Whoo - hoo**

**Whoo-hoo- ooo**

Also taken by the fit of musical keenness, the rats join in.

_**Whoo-hoo**_

_**Woo-hoo-oo**_

Todd carries on his merry way, unaware that Jamie is following him from the rooftops

**&&&&**

And there we go! Do review. Until next time…


	4. Meet the gang

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Stretch...Fatso...Stinky? Man they had cruel parents. Wonder where Doc and Dopey sleep"

**&&&&**

ACT 4 - Meet the gang

**&&&&**

We move to an old abandoned house boat in Bayville harbour, we can hear salsa music drifting from it. Inside, we see Wanda, now a brown dog, sleeping in a corner. Hank, now a bulldog.. a blue bulldog, but a bulldog none the less, is sitting watching TV. Fred, now a great Dane, is asleep with a broken tennis racket in his mouth. In another corner of the boat, Roberto, now a Chihuahua, is dancing to some salsa music on the radio.

"A Chihuahua!", snorts Roberto, "I'm from Brazil, not Mexico!"

"Ye were the closest we had", says Rahne, "besides **ye** were the one that said Todd Fan ignored ye in her fics, so here's ye big role, now shut up and dance!"

Roberto gives Rahne a **GLARE** before picking up an old wallet, still dancing, and jumps on Freddy's nose waking him up, before dropping the broken wallet into a little loot box.

"Roberto!", shouts Hank, "Stop that racket! I'm trying to watch this show!"

Roberto rolls his eyes and Hank starts to quote the Shakespearean play that is on the TV

"There would have been time for such a word", he mimes, "Oh, tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps, in this petty pace from day to day and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death..."

Roberto jumps in his way, looking at the TV

"Hey, Hankie, man watcha watching?", he asks, "Hey, does he get the girl? I mean, what happens?"

"Shut up, you little rodent", growls Hank, pushing Roberto out of the way.

"I am **not** a rat!", snaps Roberto, "Hey, man, this stuff is boring, man. Come on, let's watch some boxing. I wanna see some action!"

"I'll give you some action, you little freak!", mutters Hank.

Hank takes another swipe at him and Roberto jumps out of the way, laughing

"Hey, Hankie? Que paso?", Roberto pauses, "I learned Spanish quick, no? You're getting slow, man".

"My name is Henry", says Hank, "Hen-ry. Not Hank. Not Hankie. Henry".

"No kidding, man?", says Roberto, "Hey, so what did you bring in today, Heeen-reeeey?"

"It's none of your business, you intrusive little pipsqueak", growls Hank, "my character isn't exactly friendly, is he?"

Freddy walks over, holding his broken tennis racket proudly in his mouth

"Look what I got", he says proudly.

"Oh, good show, Fredrick", says Hank dryly, "Now all we need is the court and the net"

"...You think this place is big enough?", asks Freddy, looking around.

"...This is what I have to work with?", asks Rahne.

"A deal is a deal", Forge says, pointing at her, "**SUCKER**!"

"I could **so** maul ye right now", she growls.

"Hey, come on", says Roberto, "What we need is some good quality stuff, man. Check it out"

He proudly shows off his broken wallet

"Oh, shredded leather", says Hank, rolling his eyes.

"Shredded wha...", Roberto shakes his odd-shaped little head, "What you talkin' about, man? That's a primo wallet!"

"Rubbish, you mean", intones Hank

"Alright, that does it, Hankie, man! You insulted my pride!", screams Roberto, "That means death!"

"Behold the runt of the litter", smirks Hank.

All the shouting wakes Wanda up, who stretches and walks over to them

"Cut it out, you two", she mutters.

Both fall silent as Wanda walks over to the loot box to inspect it, finding it full of junk

"Jason's not gonna be too happy about this", she pauses, "...I can't believe he's our.. ugh Master. So, Henry, you got the food, right?"

"Well, no...I", starts Hank, looking very sheepish

"Hankie, it was your turn to get the food today!", growls Wanda, "**I'M HUNGRY DAMNIT**!"

"It's newspaper burritos again!", mutters Roberto

"No food?", Freddy whimpers, "We're all gonna die!"

Suddenly, Todd appears, leaning on the doorway

"Hey, whoah whoah,", he says, "cool it, Todd fan's"

There is the manic giggling of a slightly demented authoress in the background.

"Oh, very witty", says Forge dryly, "Ha ha"

I thought it was...

"I'd like to introduce you to.. your dinner", Todd grins,

**Be. Our… Guest**

**Be our guest**

"We've already done that parody!", snaps Rahne.

"Hot dogs a la Todd", he says, "sorry, I just felt a bit musical…you can't blame me"

With that, he tosses the sausages at the group, who begin to devour them

"Hot dogs, alright, Todd, man!", grins Roberto.

"You remain our pre-eminent benefactor", says Hank.

As they talk and eat, Jamie climbs up the house boat, trying to find a way in, getting to the roof and looking down on the group

"Yeah, and you're okay too", says Freddy with a nod

"...Do I have to talk to him like this?", asks Wanda

"Yes", smiles Rahne

"Come on, Babycakes, we're a couple here!", grins Todd, "isn't it magical?"

"...I must be being punished for something..", mutters Wanda, "So how'd you do it this time…ugh…Toddy Baby?"

"Ooooh Todd likes, Todd likes!", he grins, "Let me tell ya, Wanda, it was tough. Only I could have done it"

The others listen transfixed by his tale, not noticing Jamie

"Did you have to fight, man? Did you fight?", asks Roberto, bouncing up and down on Freddy's head, "How many were there?"

"Get off me", mutters Freddy

"Picture the city", says Todd, "On the way to the Boarding House. The crowds hustling. The traffic roaring. The hot dogs are sizzling"

"I love a story with food in it", grins Freddy.

"Enter Todd, one bad puppy", says Todd, "Not just out for himself, but community minded. But he's not the only one out there. Enter the opposition"

Wanda sighs and rolls her eyes as Todd's shadow on the wall dramatises the 'monster'

"A greedy, ugly, psychotic monster, with razor sharp claws, dripping fangs and nine lives, all of them hungry"

"I wasn't there, I swear it!", screams Sabertooth, "I was playing chess with Pyro"

"He comes at me, eyes burning", says Todd, "I knew my time had come, suddenly.."

He is cut off by the roof of the house boat caving in under Jamie's weight. Jamie falls to the floor in the middle of them, kittenplying and reabsorbing, getting caught in a piece of cloth and causing the group to scatter

"Gang war! Gang war!", screams Roberto, "Watch out! Here comes a gang war!"

"Take cover!", yelps Hank.

The little Jamie Lump (TM) starts to move in the middle of the floor, the others poke their heads out of their hiding places to see it

"Well, what is it?", asks Wanda

Hank shrugs and Roberto goes over to it, giving it a prod

"Hey, man, check it out", he says.

Suddenly, Jamie's paw comes out and grabs Roberto on the nose. Roberto freaks out, running to hide

"Aye, it's a alien!", he screams.

"No. Self is right here", says Warlock.

"Get back to the Chronicles, you!", says Forge.

Jamie pokes his head out from the cloth as the gang surround him

"Cool it guys, it's just a cat", growls Wanda.

"Mi madre, un gato!", says Roberto

"Feles domesticus!", says Hank

"Cute as a button", adds Jamie.

"How'd you find this place, cat?", asks Wanda

Jamie cowers as they all move around him, cornering him

"I...i.e. followed this dog", says Jamie.

"He's lying! He's lying! He's lying! He's lying!", shouts Roberto.

"Shut up, Roberto!", snaps Wanda, hexing him to the back.

"Hey! Just 'cause I'm little now", Roberto narrows his eyes, "...if it wasn't night time..."

"Why would a cat follow a dog?", asks Hank.

"Yeah?", says Freddy.

"I..i just wanted some of the sausage I helped him get"

Roberto reappears with a knife and fork

"He's a spy, man!. Come on, lets eat him", he snarls, "You're dead meat, kitty"

"…..Have you been drinking again, Robbie?", asks Rahne.

"I..i saw him come down", Jamie pauses, "Hey! That's him, over there!"

He points to where Todd is lounging on a chair, watching the TV

"Oh..hey, kitty", he says, "What took you so long?"

"Relax, kid", says Wanda, giving him a wink as the others go laughing up to Todd.

"Todd, razor-sharp claws?", asks Roberto

"Dripping fangs?", chuckles Hank

"I kind of like those burning eyes", smirks Wanda

"Hey, keep it down, guys", says Todd, "The game's on"

"What happened to my Shakespeare!", cries Hank.

Roberto laughs like a maniac jumping on Todd's head then onto the floor, turning off the TV with his foot

"Oh boy, Todd. Top dog has to get help from a cat", he giggles

"Hey, Roberto, cool it, man", warns Todd

"Come on, lets see this big, bad kitty fight in action!", laughs Roberto manically.

"I think he **has** been drinking", blinks Rahne

"Hey, Roberto, look!", says Todd.

As Roberto turns his head, Todd jumps on him, they collide with Beast)

"Oh, boy! Dog pile!", laughs Freddy

He dives into the fray and Wanda rolls her eyes as they start to fight

"Oh, what a bunch of overgrown..."

Roberto goes flying into her head

"Alright, that's it!"., she snarls.

She joins the fray and Jamie jumps into the loot box for safety. Jason walks through the door carrying a box of dog biscuits

"...I **so** need a better job", he mutters, "All right, knock it off! Enough!...What is the matter with you guys?"

They stop fighting to stare at Jason, or rather the box of dog biscuits

"Don't you understand?", yammers on Jason, "Summers will be here any minute and I don't have...".

He glances as the 'dogs' charge at him

"No, no, no, no!"

"Do we **have** to do this?", grimaces Todd

"Yes, he is ye master, **MASTER**mind, geddit, heh heh", Rahne giggles, "och I kill me"

"**I'll** kill you instead if you like!", growls Todd

The dogs reluctantly jump all over Jason, licking him in general doggie affection, devouring the dog biscuits at the same time

"All right, all right, settle down", he says, "ugh…dog drool. Gross"

We hear a car horn honk and Jason sits up

"Summers!"

**&&&&**

Mwhoahahahahhahahahahahha. Oh that felt good. Onwards! 


	5. The big bad boss

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "You must never run from anything immortal, it attracts their attention"

**&&&&&**

ACT 5 - The big, bad boss

**&&&&&**

Back at the house boat, a big Mercedes has pulled up on the dock. Remy and Lance, now two Dobermans, start to head inside, where Jason is crawling towards the loot box as the car honks again

"Impatient, aren't we?", Jason's eyes glow, "...why I could..."

"In this, you can't, so just be a whimpering, cowardly mess", Forge pauses, "..you've had **lots** of practice".

"Was that a shot?", asks Jason

"Just **ACT**!", screams Forge

JASON: "All right, all right, I'm coming. I'll be right there", Jason pauses, "...You guys, listen. Don't let me down"

Freddy pushes the loot box towards Jason with his nose, Jason opens it and rummages around inside

"What do you got?", he pauses again, "bad grammar to, this role sucks. Let's see what you got".

He picks up Roberto's 'wallet' which disintegrates in his hands

"It's worthless, what have you done?", he squeaks

"Hey, we lack opposable thumbs", snaps Todd, "give us a break!"

"Oh, how are we ever going to pay Summers off with a...", Jason blinks as he pulls Jamie out of the box, "A pussycat?"

"Because I'm really, really cute?", tries Jamie

The door slams open and Remy and Lance stalk in, growling

"Oh..look who's here, kids", says Jason, "Company, nice doggies"

He goes to pat Remy on the head, who tries to take his hand off

"Gambit like being evil!", says Remy

"Maybe ye should foam a bit.", Rahne smiles, "they hate it when ye foam"

"I was just on my way out", says Jason.

With that, Jason runs up the stairs. Remy and Lance turn on the group, laughing and growling. Jamie takes cover out of sight.

"You guys..miss us?", asks Remy

"Like a hole in the head", says Hank

Outside, Jason walks to the Mercedes, despite having the headlights almost blinding him

"Mr Summers. I..uh..."

The headlights go off and we see the car has two Dobermans on the front instead of the Mercedes logo

"He's gonna kill me...", whimpers Jason

Jason edges to the door of the car, despite teetering over the edge of the dock. The window to the car opens, a haze of cigar smoke coming out.

"Hello", he says pleasantly, a hard thing for Jason to accomplish, "Oh, lovely evening. I was just saying this to your two lovely, **PUREBRED **Dobermans.."

The window opens all the way to reveal...**ALEX**!

"And I bet you thought it was gonna be Scott!", Forge pauses, "unless you've read this before…then you'd already know"

"Tubular, I am evil", grins Alex, "The money, Jason"

He puts his hand through the window. Jason nervously places the loot box in his hands

"Actually, I've got something much better than money", says Jason, "Some luxury items that.."

The window closes up, but Jason keeps talking as Alex inspects the contents of the box

"...should make a considerable dent in my debt to you", Jason pauses, "Oh my! You waxed you car, didn't you? Did they use the buffer on it, because I can see myself".

"Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy", mutters Alex to himself.

The window reopens and Alex tosses the box out of it and into the sea

"I don't want your garbage, Jason", he says.

Jason tries to catch it, almost overtopping into the water himself

"Oh please, Summers. Oh please. Oh please", Jason sighs, "my character is a wimp".

"Man, I am **sooooo** loving this power, what a rush, dude!", says Alex, "I don't think you grasp..."

He opens his car door a little, causing Jason to try even harder to stay on the dock while Alex empties his cigar ash onto his feet)

"..the severity of the situation", finishes Alex.

Alex slams the car door shut and Jason almost falls into the water, grabbing hold of the side mirror

"Oh, no! Oh, no. I did grasp it.", says Jason, "This is how I grasp, look"

With that, the side mirror falls off into the sea, making Jason almost over topple again

"Awww..damn", he says, "Accident, Accident!"

Just before he falls down, Alex's arm shoots through the now open window and yanks Jason's head inside the car

"Mr Jason!"

"That's Mr Wyngarde to you!", sniffs Jason.

"Wasting time", says Forge

"Now, I lent you money, and I don't see it", says Alex, "Do you know what happens when I don't see my money, Jason?"

With that, he flicks a switch, causing the automatic window to come up, starting to strangle Jason in the process

"People get hurt", says Alex, "People like you get hurt. Do I make myself clear?"

He puffs a jet of cigar smoke in Jason's face

"Aren't you underage to be smoking them?", coughs Jason in a wheezy voice.

"They aren't real, they're fruit flavoured", smiles Alex, "Smell that Strawberry scent?"

"Can we get back to business, please?", asks Forge, "God, I need a drink"

"Clear!", squeaks Jason, "Perfectly cleaaaarr"

Back inside the house boat, Remy and Lance are walking around like they own the place. Lance sniffing around, catching Jamie's scent

"I feel like Logan", mutters Lance

"You know, Wanda", says Remy, sidling up to her, "Gambit can't figure out why you'd rather hang around a dump like this when you could be living uptown with a class act like himself"

Remy snuggles up to Wanda, who pushes him out of the way

"I'd rather date Toad", she says.

"Yeees!", says Todd, pumping the air, then pauses, "no…wait"

"Isn't it rather dangerous to use ones entire vocabulary in a single sentence?", smirks Hank

Roberto laughs, giving Beast a low five

"Hey Hankie, get down, brother, you bad, man!", he says.

Remy growls, turning on Beast

"Hey, you got something to say to Gambit, fat boy?", he snarls.

"I'm not fat!", sniffs Hank, "I'm just big boned!"

Roberto bounces along on the floor, being held down by his tail by Freddy's paw

"Come on, you guys don't scare me. I'll kill you both!", screams Roberto, "Come on, let me at 'em!"

"Go ahead, let him go", smirks Remy.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?", asks Freddy

"Like **you**, old man?", smirks Remy

"Old?", blinks Freddy

"Hey, Remy, Remy", smirks Todd, "is this us losing our sense of humour?"

"Nah, Gambit hasn't lost his sense of humour!", with that, he kicks the TV, destroying it, "See? Gambit find that funny. Heh heh heh"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!", cries Roberto.

Meanwhile, still outside, Jason is kneeling by the car

"Pleeease", he begs.

"Three sunrises. Three sunsets", Alex frowns, "Three days, Jason"

Jason starts to do the math

"Why is my character so stupid?", he asks, "Three sunrises. Three Sunsets. Three days. Three, three, three. That's nine! Nine?"

"No, Jason", says Alex, "Three"

He closes the window on him

"Three?. Oh, you mean, just three days?", Jason whimpers, "Oh, my goodness! Oh, I'm having a bad day"

Alex honks the horn again and Jason over topples, falling into the water. Inside, Lance has finally found Jamie, pulling him out of his hiding place

"Hey, Remy, look what I found!", grins Lance

"Forget it, Lance", says Remy, "We gotta go"

"I like cats", smirks Lance, "I like to eat 'em!"

"I'll say!", says Kurt from backstage, "Kitty has told me some stories..."

"**KURT**!", screams Kitty from backstage.

"Crouching kitten, hidden tiger", screams Jamie, "hey ya!"

He swipes Lance across his nose with his claws. Lance jumps back, then both he and Remy corner Jamie, growling. Todd jumps in-between them

"Get out of Remy's way, Todd", growls Remy.

"That's enough, Remy!", warns Todd.

The rest of the group go to stand with Todd and Alex beeps his horn again

"Run along, Remy", smirks Wanda, "Your master's calling"

"...Come on, Lance!", mutters Remy, heading out, "We 'aint finished, Todd. You guys are gonna pay for dis, starting with dat cat!"

As they leave, Roberto runs to the bottom of the stairs

"Oh, yeah? You guys don't scare me!", he shouts, "Come on back and say it to my face! Come on, come on, come on, come on!"

He grins smugly and pads back in

"Yeah, those creeps'll think twice about hassling us, man"

"All right, kid", says Todd, looking at Jamie, "What'd I tell you guys? 'Ol Todd can really pick 'em huh?"

He goes to give Jamie a low four, but swipes his paw away before Jamie can make contact. Jason walks through, dripping

"Ohhhh, three days", moans Jason.

He sighs and falls into a reclining chair as the dogs go around making him comfortable, pushing a footrest under his feet and putting the chair down a little

"Yes, work my little slaves!", Jason gives a little giggle, "How am I ever gonna come up with all that money? What's the use? I'll never get out from under that maniac"

Roberto puts little blue fuzzy bunny slippers on Jason's..

"**BUNNIES**!", screams Forge. (1)

Rahne watches as Forge screams like a girl and runs off the set

"...Guess I'm the only director for the rest of the scene", Rahne grins, "...cool".

"..That was weird.", says Jason, then sighs, "My days are numbered, and the number is three. It's hopeless".

Freddy puts a doggie biscuit in Jason's mouth

"Do I **have** to eat this?", he grimaces.

"Aye, they are mighty tasty and good for you!", grins Rahne

"Easy for you to say", mutters Jason, "...you're a Lycanthrope!"

He begrudgingly eats the biscuit and smiles at the dogs

"Thanks guys", he says, "That reminds me. I saw Lance's nose. Who did that?"

Todd picks up Jamie and puts him in Jason's hands

"You? That took alot of guts", he says, "We've never had a cat in the gang before...we can use all the help we can get"

He yawns and stretches

"Alright, time for bed", he says, "We've got a big day tomorrow"

Freddy whimpers and pushes a book into Jason's hands

"Awww no", he says, then sighs, "Oh...all right. But just one chapter tonight. Mmm letsee...here we are, chapter seven"

The dogs put a light on and all settle around to hear the story, which has a cartoon dog in it

"..I can't believe I'm reading this", sighs Jason, "...'Sparky stopped and rolled in a field of wildflowers. The dandelions tickled his nose, t'il he laughed out loud. And then, something caught his eyes. It was Bumper, the rabbit"

Just then Forge walks in, stops, and runs away screaming again

"**RABBIT**!"

"Och, I do hope Bumper's not a reoccurring character...", says Rahne

"'Sparky jumped to his feet and ran toward Bumper, barking loudly", says Jason, "Woof Woof. Well, you try it sometime"

"**WOOF WOOF**!", says Hank

"Well...that's because you're a dog", says Jason, "'Sparky knew that Bumper would run and that he could chase him over the field. But Sparky would never catch him or hurt him because Sparky was not that kind of dog..."

Time passes and soon everyone is asleep. Roberto pulls Beast's jowls around him like a blanket while Todd gets up and settles down in an old water hoop with pillows in it. Jamie gets up from Jason's knee and cuddles up to Todd, falling asleep. Wanda watches with a smile before going to sleep

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW", says the cast

**&&&&&**

(1) – If you don't get this, you must be very new to my fics. 0o

Click on! 


	6. Got to pick a pocket or two

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I'm only an elected official here, I can't make decisions on my own!"

**&&&&**

ACT 6 - Got to pick a pocket or two

**&&&&**

The next morning, Bayville is once again bustling with people, Jason drives around town on a scooter that keeps backfiring, the dogs and cat in a small basket in the back.

"...Is this thing safe to drive?", asks Jason dubiously.

"Of course it is", says Forge, "I made it"

"...They're going to have to identify me by my dental records", Jason sobs, "..I can see it now.."

"...Just act!", snaps Forge.

"This is the big one. We've got two days to do or die", says Jason, "Todd, you keep an eye on the new kid. Show him the ropes"

Todd nods and gives Jamie a noogie

"Messing. Up. Fur!", growls Jamie.

"I don't wanna put any undue pressure on you", says Jason, "but..as you march on to do your duty, I want you to keep one thing in mind"

He drives the scooter into a deserted alley and promptly crashes it

"Hey, watch the merchandise!", shouts Forge

"Oww...Dead men do **not** buy dog food", he says, "**There's** an analogy for you!. So, big smiles, and get out there, and **FETCH**!"

With that, the dogs and Jamie jump out of the basket, as Jason speeds off, nearly chocking them all with the fumes from the scooter

"This isn't good for my allergies", says Freddy

"All right, if Mr Summers don't see some cold, hard cash soon, we are Doberman chow", says Todd, "Come on, we'll start on Maggie Blue Road"

"Hint hint hint", says Rahne with a giggle.

"Stop giving away the plot!", snaps Forge

As the gang walk down the street, Jamie follows with them

"What kind of work do we do anyway?", asks Jamie

"Investment banking, man", grins Roberto

He picks up an apple from a stall and tosses it to Hank, who eats it

"Didn't you hear about us in the Daily Bugle?", adds Roberto.

"Really?", Jamie rolls his eyes, "...man I'm so gullible"

"Indeed", says Hank, "Captains of industry"

"Gosh...", Jamie pauses, "who says 'gosh' anymore? Can I be one too?"

"Hey, when you got your pals, you got all you need", says Todd.

"Okay Todd", grins Jamie

"We gotta clean you up, child", says Wanda, "and give you some on-the-job training"

**Oooooh yeah**

**Now listen up**

**You got a lot to learn**

**And if you don't learn you don't eat**

"You sing like an angel, babycakes", smiles Todd.

"Shut up, Toad", says Wanda

Wanda stops Jamie from crossing the street as a bakery van drives by, a bread loaf falling off, hitting Freddy on the head before Todd catches it and throws it at Roberto, knocking him over

"...My spleen", whimpers Roberto as Wanda continues to sing.

**But if you're tough**

**And always use your head**

**You'll be right at home on the street**

They cross the road and Jamie runs headlong into a lamppost, kittenplying

**When you've got talent**

**Everything is free**

**Watch how we do things**

**Oooh I guarantee**

The group start to cross another road, dancing and singing, Jamie following them at the same time

_**You're gonna see how**_

_**The best survive**_

_**We make an art out**_

_**Of staying alive**_

_**If you do just as you're told**_

_**These are streets of gold**_

Jamie tries to mimic their dancing walk, only almost getting mowed down by the cars, Todd grabbing him and carrying him to the other side

_**Every boulevard is **_

_**A miracle mile**_

_**You'll take the town**_

_**And you'll take it with style**_

_**If you play it brave and bold**_

_**These are streets of gold**_

Jamie lags behind the group again, running once more into Logan the dog, who growls and chases him, running into the entire group, who snarl at him and make him run off

"They're gonna mob me!", screams Logan

Jamie bounces up and down, barking like a dog, before the gang laugh and run off, before Todd stops dead, causing the other dogs to run into him

"Hello?", grins Todd, "What have we here?"

They notice a big limousine start to drive towards them

"All right, a chauffeur shuffle!", grins Roberto.

"Listen up. Freddy, gimmie a fender bender at two rights", says Todd.

"Yeah", says Freddy dryly, "Blob smash good"

"Roberto, you're in charge of electronics", says Todd, "Wanda and I'll work the crowd. Hen-ry"

"I know", says Hank with a defeated sigh, "My public awaits...there **has** to be better acting jobs out there than **this**"

"Hey, what about me?", asks Jamie, "What do I do?"

"You help Roberto", says Todd

(Roberto grins and flings a fore-leg around Jamie's shoulders

"All right! Come on, gato", he says, "Uncle Roberto will show you how it's done"

"If you were my uncle, I would hurt myself", says Jamie, "badly"

"Ready?", asks Todd, "Go!"

With that, the gang run off to do their duty

**&&&&**

Onwards HOOOOOOOOOO! 


	7. The upper class

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I can't believe I'm committing an armed robbery for two flashlights".

**&&&&**

ACT 7 - The upper class

**&&&&**

While Roberto and Jamie hop onto the back of the moving limo, we can hear Kitty talking from inside, reading from a letter

"Listen to this", says Kitty, "'After a little sightseeing we left Paris by car, for the con..confer..."

Warren, sitting up front, is driving the car

"A butler?", he snorts, "I am **not** a butler! I **HAVE **butlers! "

"Shut up and be grateful for your part", says Forge, "Besides, you were the only one of us who had a limo"

"...I hate you all", mutters Warren, "Conference, Kitty"

"Oh yes. Conference", Kitty scoffs, "I have a genius IQ, you know. 'In Rome on Wednesday. Kitty, I'm afraid your father and I won't be able to make it'".

Kitty gives a small sad sigh

"Is there anything wrong, Kitty?", he asks, "Are your parents alright?"

"They're staying longer", she says sadly

"Oh don't worry. I'm sure they'll be home for your birthday", Warren pauses, "...not that **MY** parents ever were. Man, this is like watching my own childhood".

Before Warren can start the sob story of his neglected childhood, Freddy rams into the outside of the limo, jilting it

"Hey!", he shouts, "Watch the paintwork!"

"What was that?", asks Kitty

WARREN: "A great Dane ramming into the side of **my** limousine!", snaps Warren, "...I mean, I don't know. Don't be alarmed, I'll be right back"

Warren goes to leave the car

"The hat, Warren", says Forge

"Do I **have** to?", sighs Warren, "it's demeaning"

"Yes", says Forge

Warren sighs, putting a little chauffeur's hat on his head before getting out of the van, Freddy staggering away in a daze

"Run, Sparky", he says dizzily, "Go find Bumper"

"Bumper?", asks Forge, "**WHERE**!"

"Keep it together, lad", says Rahne, "we need ye here"

Hank trots out in front of the now stopped limo, before putting on an over dramatised death scene, Warren walking out, Roberto and Jamie sneaking in through the open door.

"Why me?", asks Warren, "Today of all days!"

Roberto grins at the plush interior of the car, playing with the steering wheel

"Hey, check it out! Beep beep. Hey, forget Jason, man. Lets take this baby to Atlantic City!", he giggles, "Vroooom"

"You really **are** a freak", observes Jamie

Outside, Warren is looking at the 'injured' Hank.

"What have I done?", he says, "Poor thing"

A crowd starts to gather around

"You outta be ashamed of yourself!", chides Callisto, "Hurting a poor, defenceless...err blue bulldog"

"That's right, blame the guy with the wings!", snaps Warren, "I'm sure he's just fine. Probably just a little stunned. Run along now, little fellow. Go on, shoo!"

"Little fellow?", asks Hank.

As Hank hams it up to the crowd, inside the limo, Roberto is under the dashboard, pulling at wires, Jamie, sitting on the seat

"Hey, Roberto, what can I do?", he asks.

"Why don't you be a lookout", says Roberto, "Yeah, that's it, be a lookout"

"Okay", Jamie pauses, "...what's a lookout?"

Roberto bangs his head on the bottom of the dash

"**AYE**! Look, just look out the window. Make sure it's still daylight, okay?", Roberto growls, "So then I can kick your furry little butt".

Jamie hops onto the top of the dashboard, before turning around, seeing the screen window to the back of the limo opening up

"Hey, hey, Roberto", he whispers, "Roberto, there's something back there"

"Hey, stop hassling me", snaps Roberto, "I only got one more wire,okay?"

"But but..", stammers Jamie.

He jumps onto the steering wheel, falling onto the ignition, turning the car on as Roberto chews through the last wire, successfully frying the Chihuahua...from Brazil. Outside, the car goes nuts, sparking and the alarm going off

"**MY LIMO**!", screams Warren

"Oh keep your feathers on", says Forge, "I'll fix it!"

"That's what I'm afraid of", says Warren.

Roberto is propelled out of the window, while Warren looks on in shock, Beast coming back to 'life'

"What's going on here?", asks Warren

"Do I have to do this?", asks Hank

"Aye, do it real quick and ye won't even notice it", says Rahne

Beast suddenly licks Warren's face and runs off. The rest of the gang running off too. Roberto, still covered by electric shocks, hits a bunch of trashcans like a pinball before falling to the floor by a lamp post. The electric shoots up the post and sparks the lamp, making it drop on Freddy's head, bringing him out of his daze. Back at the limo, Jamie is tangled up in the wires

"Oh you poor...kitty", says Kitty, "Here, let me help you"

Kitty leans forwards and untangles Jamie, picking him up, as Warren runs back to the door.

"Kitty, are you alright?", asks Warren.

In an alley, the gang are hiding

"Where's the kid?", asks Wanda, looking for Jamie.

A charred, sooty and coughing Roberto emerges from a cardboard box

"He must still be in the car".

They watch as the Limo drives away

"Oh...that poor little kid", says Wanda

"You were supposed to keep an eye on him, Roberto!", snaps Todd.

"Yeah, well it's hard to watch anything when you're getting barbecued!", growls Roberto.

"What are we gonna do, Todd?", asks Wanda softly.

Todd jumps out of his trash can onto the street

"Roberto, come with me", he says, "The rest of you...get back to Jason".

Todd and Roberto run through the street, following the limo

**&&&&**

Oh yes, Warren the butler, what fun! Do review, until next time...


	8. Perfection becomes her

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Book darling... come to mummy"

**&&&&**

ACT 8 - Perfection becomes her

**&&&&**

At the Xavier mansion, Kitty and Warren start to head inside, unaware they are being followed)

"Now, really, Kitty", says Warren, "We can't just take in a stray off the street"

"But look at the poor thing", says Kitty, snuggling Jamie.

"Being carried by Kitty", smiles Jamie, "Puuuuurrrrr" (1)

"**QUIT IT**!", shouts Kitty, "Warren, he's half starved"

Roberto goes to run up the steps after them, only to be dragged back by Todd. Inside the mansion, Kitty heads off into the kitchen

"I know you're growing attached to the little fellow but do try to understand. Your parents left me responsible for you", Warren lets out another sob, "...my Gods, I sound like **MY** butler when I was seven. My parents wouldn't let me have a pet either! 'Oh **NO**, Warren, we're simply too busy to have a pet in the house, maybe next year'. They wouldn't even let me have a goldfish!"

"...Are we done now?", asks Forge

"...Yes", sniffles Warren

"They won't mind. Really", says Kitty, then looks at Jamie, "Don't worry, kitty, I'll take care of you"

"I hope so, sweet thing", says Jamie, waggling his eyebrows.

"Stop doing that!", says Kitty with a shudder.

"Amara is not going to like this", mutters Warren.

He gives a defeated sigh and walks upstairs to a room, switching a light on)

"Rise and shine, Amara, your public awaits"

He leaves the room and we see a curtain come up on a big, raised doggie bed. Amara, now a poodle, yawns and stretches, before padding down the stairs of her bed to a vanity mirror, seeing her reflection, she gasps

"**I'M A DOG**!", she screams, then pauses, "...oh...wait"

**Girl, we got work to do**

**Pass me the paint and glue**

She starts applying make-up and getting her fur out of it's curlers

**Perfect isn't easy**

**But..it's..meeeeeeee**

**When one knows the world is watching**

**One does what one must**

She uses her ears to apply powers all over her before straightening out her fur

**Some minor adjustments, darling**

**Not for my vanity**

**But for humanity**

**Each little step a pose**

She pauses to wriggle her backside, then shows off all her trophies)

**See how the breeding shows**

**Ooo**

**Sometimes it's too much for even meeee**

She lies down on a load of pillows, surrounded by pictures of various male dogs, she looks at one of Paul, as a dog, and kisses it

**But when all the world says yes**

**Then who am I to say no?**

**Don't ask a mutt to strut like a showgirl**

**No, girl, you need a pro**

She goes to open a window, where a bunch of birds are flying around

"Who did ye zap inte birds?", asks Rahne

"No one", says Forge, "...these are birds that follow Warren around. I think they believe him to be their God".

Amara ignores the directors, continuing the song all about her.

**Not a flea or a flaw**

**Take a peak at that paw**

**La-de-da-da**

**Perfection becomes me ne c'est pas?**

She pads behind a screen, where the birds drop clothing garments down on her

**Unrivalled**

**Unruffled**

**I'm beauty unleashed, yeah!**

**Jaws drop**

**Hearts stop**

**So classic and classy**

**We're not talking Lassie**

"Sing it, girl, shake that thing!", shouts Tabby.

Amara jumps onto the balcony, wearing a long, flowing scarf and a leopard skin doggie top. She howls, making Sam, Pyro, Piotr, Scott and Ray appear, all as dog, howling at the bottom of her balcony. Pyro laughs manically and climbs over the others, making a doggie ladder

**Though many covet my bone and bowl**

**They're barking up the wrong tree**

**You pretty pups all over the city**

**I have your hearts and you have my pity**

The flower in her hair drops, which Pyro catches with a dreamy sigh. She walks back into her room, throwing off her costume

**Pretty is nice**

**But still, it's just pretty**

**Perfect my dears**

**Is meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee**

She walks down the winding staircase, the birds flying around her as she finishes off her big musical number

"Oh yeah, I'm good", smirks Amara.

"It's those **DAMN** birds again", shouts Warren, "shoot 'em!"

**&&&&**

(1) – Did anyone else think Jamie's crush on Kitty in 'Self Possessed' was the **CUTEST**? They should have done more with that.

Onwards, ho! 


	9. Kitty cuisine

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming"

**&&&&&**

ACT 9 - Kitty cuisine

**&&&&&**

In the Xavier kitchen, Jamie is under a chair, a glob of ice-cream landing on his nose

"Eww..gross", grimaces Jamie

"Wait 'till you taste this", smiles Kitty, stirring a big bowl of…something.

"...Did you cook it?", asks Jamie warily.

"Yes", smiles Kitty

"I'm going to die...", whimpers Jamie

"It's a secret recipe I just invented", says Kitty

"I should go out and buy a tombstone", sighs Jamie.

Warren pauses as he passes the kitchen, seeing Kitty in the middle of a huge mess, pots, pans and food everywhere

"She's...cooking", Warren blinks, "...**WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE**!"

"**IN** character, please", says Forge, "I know Kitty's cooking in a terrifying concept, but lets focus"

"….Heeeey", says Kitty.

"What on Earth?", Warren says, "...Kitty!..Don't you think a tin of kitty chow would have sufficed?"

"If it keeps me from eating **her **cooking", says Jamie, "I'll eat tar".

Kitty, meanwhile, is pouring cereal into her...gloop

"Nonsense", says Kitty, "He'll love this"

"No he won't", says Jamie.

"Now, young lady", says Warren, "I really think we should have waited until your parents..."

There is a crunch and Warren looks under his foot to see he's trodden on an egg

"**COOKIE**!", shouts Warren, then coughs, "...oh, wrong story".(1)

He hears the phone ring and gives a frustrated sigh, leaving to answer it

"Alright, alright. I'm coming!"

Kitty meanwhile has put her goop in Amara's bowl and is topping it off with spray-can cream

"And for ze kitty, the house speciality", she says, "Oeufs a la Kitty avec Cocoa Krispies".

She puts the bowl down in front of Jamie, who whimpers

"Kitty, it's your parents!", shouts Warren

"Yeah!", says Kitty, getting up to speak to them, "Wait 'till I tell 'em!"

"Talk about saved by the bell", says Jamie with a sigh of relief.

Meanwhile, in the hall Amara passes Warren on the way to the kitchen, Warren is hamming it up for Kitty's parents

"Oh, yes, sir. I do assure you everything is absolutely hunkey...", he pauses, putting his hand over the phone to speak to Amara, "Amara, I wouldn't go in there if I were you"

"I'm a princess, I go where I like", says Amara snobbily.

She walks into the kitchen passing Kitty on the way, who heads for the phone

"Here she is now", says Warren.

As soon as she gets into the kitchen, Amara gasps to see...

"...Jamie, you're supposed to be **EATING **the food", says Forge

"No thank you", says Jamie, "I choose life".

"A cat! What is the meaning of this?", snaps Amara, "Bark. Bark. Warren! Bark, bark, bark!"

Warren doesn't come. Amara mutters about hired help and turns towards Jamie again

"I guess I'll have to handle this myself", she mutters, then gives Jamie a pleasant smile, "Hello"

"Hello", says Jamie

**Hello, what a wonderful word, hello**, sings Rahne. (2)

"Wrong movie", says Forge.

"I hope you won't think me rude", says Amara, "but do you happen to know out of who's bowl you're eating?"

"...I'm not eating", says Jamie

"Pretend you are!", snaps Rahne

"...Yours?", tries Jamie

"Oooooo aren't you a clever kitty?", grins Amara

"Don't patronise me", says Jamie with a frown.

"And do you have any idea whose **HOME** this is?", she asks.

"Xavier's actually", says Jamie, "but in the movie...I thought it was Kitty's?"

He backs away from the bowl..Amara starting to scare him just a little with her false smile

"Well, it may be Kitty's house, but everything from the doorknobs down", Amara gives a snarl, "**IS MINE**!"

Jamie falls back, kittenplying. but Kitty suddenly shows up before Amara can maul him

"Oh, Amara, I see you've met Jamie", she says, "Isn't he cute? I've got great news. Mom and dad just said I could keep him! I'm sure you two are gonna be the best of friends"

Amara gives and evil chuckle. We fade out to the town, where the gang are gathered outside a pawn shop as Todd and Roberto return

"Where's the kid?", asks Wanda

"We tailed him all the way up the park", sighs Todd, "We never had a chance"

"You should see this place", says Roberto, "There's gotta be, maybe 200 people living there"

"Hardly!", snorts Xavier from backstage

"Guys, we can't let the kid take the heat for us", says Wanda

"Yeah, man", nods Roberto, "If we don't get him, they're gonna torture that kid".

"Then what in heaven's name are we waiting for?", asks Hank

"..But what about Jason?", frowns Freddy

They look through the window where Jason is desperately trying to sell a broken pocket watch to Duncan, who is less than impressed

"Alas", says Hank, "our beleaguered benefactor bearing the brunt of our futile endeavours"

"Gimmie a break!", snaps Roberto, "Speak English, Hankie!"

Beast turns and **GROWLS** at Roberto

"Henry, Henry, **HENRY**!"

Todd quickly gets between them before Hank can kill Roberto

"All right, cool it!", he snaps.

When he's not looking, Roberto blows a raspberry at Beast, then acts innocently

"Now we got work to do!", says Todd, "First, we'll spring the kid. Then we'll take care of the old man"

"I am **NOT** that old!", shouts Jason

"All right?", asks Todd.

"Yeah, that's right man", nods Roberto, "He's family. He's blood"

"Hear hear", nods Hank

"Okay, troops", says Todd, "Our mission begins at daybreak"

**&&&&**

(1) – See Teacher Training. **SHAMELESS PLUG!**

(2) – From 'Crazy People', a film I'd love to parody one day.

Yeah haaa, click on! 


	10. A Kitty and her kitty

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "You know, for a clown fish, he's not that funny"

**&&&&&**

ACT 10 - A Kitty and her kitty

**&&&&&**

At the Xavier mansion, Kitty is sitting down at the piano, Jamie runs up to her and sits on the piano stool next to her. Kitty giggles and gives him a hug. We can hear Warren from somewhere in the house

"Kitty, I don't hear any practising", calls Warren.

"Why should I!", snaps Kitty, "Ahem. Alright, Warren. I gotta practise now, kitty"

She pats Jamie on the head and puts him on top of the piano as she starts to play her scales. Suddenly, there is a discordant note, Kitty looks up to see Jamie pawing at the keys

"Aren't I cute?", asks Jamie, "Wouldn't I make a **great** boyfriend?"

"I'm definitely going to kill him", says Lance, "kill him and stamp on the pieces"

"Quit trying to pick up Kitty and play your role!", snaps Forge

"Oooh, you wanna practise too?", asks Kitty.

She starts to play out a tune as Jamie runs around the top of the piano, turning the play book for her and generally doing cute kitten things

**You and me together will be**

**Forever you'll see**

**We two can be good company**

Amara walks past and pauses, listening to it, she pulls a face and saunters off

**You and Me**

**Yes, together we two**

**Together, that's you**

**Forever with me**

**We'll always be good company**

**You and me**

**Yes, together we'll be**

"Does that mean you'll date me?", asks Jamie hopefully.

"No", says Kitty.

The scene moves from the mansion to where Kitty is in a rowing boat, Jamie pawing at the water

"Ahhhhhhh a romantic boat ride", smiles Jamie.

"...Now I know how Wanda feels", groans Kitty.

We go to a park, where Kitty is running along a fence, rattling a stick across it, Jamie doing the same, holding the stick in his mouth. They walk past Magneto and Agatha, who look aloofly at her. She gives a curtsey and Jamie bows his head

"...Wow, I actually get a role", blinks Agatha

"Yeah it sucks to just do cameos, doesn't it?", says Magneto, "at least I'm not a narrator"

Kitty gets an ice-cream giving some to Jamie as Warren sits by a fountain eating a huge one, reading a book

"You know", points out Warren, "...my wings are getting wet"

We go to where Kitty and Jamie are having a carriage ride drawn by Jott, with Pietro at the reins

"Heh heh heh, gee up, Jott!", giggles Pietro.

"I wouldn't mind, but **EVERY** time there's a horse...", mutters Scott.

"She picks parodies with horses in on purpose!", snaps Jean, "so she can make us do this!"

"It's a personal vendetta against us", says Scott, "I swear"

Jamie bats at Pietro's hat before snuggling back with Kitty

"No touching the clothes!", snaps Pietro.

"And now a nice romantic trip in a horse and carriage...", says Jamie with a sigh, smiling at Kitty

"Jamie, I'm **NOT** dating you!", snaps Kitty.

"You better not be!", shouts Lance from backstage.

We got to a really posh pet store, where Kitty buys a silver bowl with 'Jamie' written across it. Destiny hands her a blue collar with a gold disc, giving Jamie's name and address, which he looks proudly at in a mirror

"It looks lovely", says Destiny

"...How do you know?", asks Kitty, arching a brow

"**DO YOU QUESTION ME**!", screams Destiny

"...No?", tries Kitty

"Good girl", smiles Destiny

We move to night time when Kitty is getting ready for bed, Jamie sitting on it

"Bow chica wow wow, bow chica wow wow", sings Jamie

"Jamie...this is a PG fic", says Forge, "You can't insinuate stuff here!"

"...Darn", sighs Jamie.

"I am not dating someone younger than me and that's it!", snaps Kitty.

**You and me together, will be**

**Forever, you'll see**

**We'll always be good company**

**You and me**

**Just wait and see**

She snuggles into bed, Jamie snuggling next to her with a **BIG** grin on his face

"Goodnight, Jamie", says Kitty

Warren smiles and switches the light off, closing the door

"Bow chica wow wow"

There is a thunk, the sound of a small, furry animal being thrown against the wall.

"I was **told **I was going to snuggle next to Warren!", shouts Kitty

"…..Pardon?", blinks Warren.

**&&&&&**

And there we go! Do review! Until next time…


	11. Kittennapping

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I have to re-learn my Native language"

**&&&&&**

ACT 11 - Kittennapping

**&&&&&&**

We open backstage, where the characters are watching Todd Fan run around screaming 'Sexy Ultimate Forge is back!' in a very loud voice

"Seems Ultimate You is back", says Sam, blinking at Forge, "and a'h exist in the Ultimate world too now, and a wimp"

"Yeah, but why is Ultimate Me so evil?", sighs Forge, "why are most alternate versions of Me evil?" (1)

"Ye have that way about ye", nods Rahne, "you're a genius, it's a natural inclination tae be a bit evil"

"….Thanks for the support", says Forge dryly, wincing as he watched Todd Fan hugs issue 62 tightly, "….I wish I could have a few more sane rabid fan girls"

"Be thankful with the small few ye have", says Rahne, "right, back tae business!"

**&&&&&&**

We move to morning, where a school bus is waiting outside of the mansion. Kitty runs out of the door, getting in

"Goodbye, Warren, goodbye Jamie", she calls.

As the bus drives off, Todd and the dog gang clamber out of the bushes next to the house

"All right, listen up", he says, "We checked it out. All we gotta do is..."

He trails off, seeing Warren by the door, hammering something, hard!

"Oh, man", whimpers Roberto, "He's dead meat now!"

"I'll handle that ruffian!", growls Hank.

Inside the kitchen, we see that Warren is actually watching wrestling, and is pounding his own hand with a rolling pin

"Body slam! Body slam!", he shouts, "Oh, come on, you fool. Hit him! **HIT HIM**!"

"Wow...we've discovered the Angel had a violent side", Forge blinks, "...we are through the looking glass, people"

Warren pauses as the doorbell rings, putting the rolling pin down, straightening out his feathers, and walking primly to the door. Outside, Freddy is continuously pressing the doorbell with his nose

"Freddy, get outta there!", shouts Todd, "...twit"

Freddy blinks before bouncing into the bushes. Beast is lying on the doorstep as Warren comes out, looking forlorn and beaten up. As Warren stoops down to see what it is, Beast gives him another lick, grabs his apron and starts to drag him along down the street

"Help!", screams Warren, "I'm being **MAULED**!"

As Warren is 'mauled' the rest of the gang run into the mansion through the open door, slamming it behind them. Warren turns around at the sound, only to have Beast run past him, the door opening for him and slamming shut again

"Mauled and locked out of my house in the space of a few minutes", Warren gives a small sob, "...my horoscope said it would be a bad day"

Inside, the dog gang are traipsing around the mansion, smearing muddy paw prints everywhere…Xavier gives a small twitch from backstage.

"Mira lo, this place!", says Roberto, "Check it out!"

Beast grins at some works of art on the wall

"Chagall. Matisse", he says, "These are all masterpieces!"

"This place looks pretty nice", says Wanda, "I mean, how bad off could it be here?"

Roberto has helped himself to a cigar, one of Alex's fruit flavoured ones, of course, and is setting down on the couch, surrounded by cushions

"Hey, man, if this is torture, chain me to the wall", he grins.

"Okay!", say the rabid fan girls.

"Who let **them** in?", asks Forge, ushering them out before they could do major damage.

"Roberto!", snaps Todd.

They all look up as they hear Warren rattling the door, trying to get back in

"We're here for the kid, remember?", says Todd, "Now, lets get him and go"

They start to head up the stairs. Inside her own room, Amara is talking to her mirror, in a Kitty-like voice

"'I love you, Jamie. Play with him, Amara'", she mimics, pulling it off quite well before snarling, "I'd like to play with him all right! The little furball!"

She pumps a ton of her perfume in anger, gasping in shock as Todd's reflection appears beside hers in the mirror

"Who are you? What do you want?", she whimpers, "**WARREN**!. Bark, bark, bark!"

As she freaks out, her mirror falls over, her lying on it

"Seven years bad luck, ye know", says Rahne helpfully.

Outside, Warren is trying to scramble through a window, stopping half-way

"Warren.. you're supposed to climb through the window now...", says Forge, looking at his script.

"Itty, bitty, tiny, little, baby problem", says Warren with a nervous laugh.

"What now?", sighs Forge

"...My wings are stuck", says Warren with a whimper.

Forge mutters under his breath, walks over to Warren, twists his wings and forcibly **PUSHES** him through the window

"Oww...I'll get you for that one!", growls Warren.

Back in her room, Amara is still freaking out

"Don't come any closer!", she gives a dramatised gasp, "I knew this would happen one day".

"You're barking up the wrong tree", says Todd, "It's not you I'm after"

"It's not?...It's not!", Amanda narrows her eyes, "Well, why not!"

"...Now you **want** to be attacked?", blinks Todd.

"What's the problem, Spot?", growls Amara, "Not good enough for you?"

"...I have a spot?", asks Todd, craning his neck to see.

"I mean, do you even know who I am? Fifty-six blue ribbons", says Amara haughtily, "Fourteen regional trophies. **SIX-TIME NATIONAL CHAMPION**!"

Despite being yelled at, Todd merely chuckles

"Oooooh and we're all very impressed", he smirks, "Right, guys?"

The rest of the dog pack walk in, Roberto grinning and wiggling his eyebrows at her

"Very impressed", he grins and kisses her on the...err paw, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Roberto DaCosta, I'm very ri..."

"Get away from me, you little bug-eyed creep!", hisses Amara, "Warren!"

Roberto falls to the ground with a happy sigh

"Harumph!", says Rahne

"Huh?", says Forge, blinking at her.

"Harumph, I say", says Rahne, "**HARUMPH**!"

"...I really don't care, but why?", sighs Forge.

"Well, it seems **someone** cannae decide who he's flirting with next!", grumps Rahne, "Just sweeps ye away with that foreign charm of his, well, harumph, I say and harumph I will always say!"

"...But I'm only acting...", Roberto blinks.

"No, no, nooooo! Ye go off an' flirt with the princess!", says Rahne, "I'll go roll in a cornfield with Sam, HAH!"

"I don't **want **him, he smells funny!", sniffs Amara, "Go and roll with the farm boy, see if I care!"

"...Please don't drag me into this.. a'h don't want to 'roll' with anyone", says Sam, "ah'm not that kind of guy..."

"Man...I feel like Jerry Springer", sighs Forge, "Okay, can we all sort out our relationship issues **after** the act? We're running out of time and I don't want to listen to you".

Wanda looks at the picture of Paul, grinning, signed, Paul..depsite him being a dog and unable to sign his own name)

"Excuse me, uh, sister", she says, "Who's Paul?"

"None of your business!", snaps Amara, putting the picture down, then runs after Beast, who is devouring her chocolates on her bed, "And you, Tubby, off the bed!"

"This is the second time in this parody I've been called fat", sniffs Hank, "I'm not, really! It's all fur!"

Freddy pushes over a can of talcum powder, spreading it across the room

"Get away from there you...All right, that does it!", she snaps, "You yo-yos clear out and I mean **NOW**! Warr-en! Bark, bark!"

"Yo-yos?", asks Wanda, "where are we, the eighties?"

"Relax, champ", smirks Todd, "We'll leave as soon as we get our cat"

"If you think I'm intimidated by a bunch of flea-bitten, dog-pound rejects...your cat?", Amara suddenly smiles sweetly, "How stupid of me. You must be the friends he keeps talking about, yes"

"Amara?..Something's not quite right here", calls Warren from downstairs, "..it smells funny"

"I do not smell funny!", shouts Roberto.

Warren looks into Amara's room, Todd is posing as a plant stand, Wanda as part of the dog bed, Freddy's back legs and tail are sticking out of a blanket, as are Beast's and Amara's front half, who smiles at him. Warren blinks and leaves the room, not noticing the fact that Amara now has five legs, three of which are a different colour to her. We see that Roberto is hung to the coat hanger on the back of the door by his bandanna.

"Shhh. Quick", says Amara, "Before he comes back, follow me"

Everyone follows her to Kitty's room, where Jamie is a cute ball of fur asleep on the bed

"Awwwww. Look at him, Todd", Wanda grimaces, "...Ugh, Honey, let's just forget the whole thing"

"Oh no!", says Amara quickly, "You can't do that! You don't understand. The poor dear's so traumatized"

"Amara?", calls Warren again.

Amara suddenly grabs Jamie and tosses him into a back

"Meep", squeaks Jamie.

"What's going on here?", shouts Warren.

"Now get going. Hurry", says Amara, "Use the fire escape"

She pushes open the window and the dogs, carrying the Jamie-bag, file out. Roberto pauses on the fire-escape, grinning at her

"There's no time for long goodbyes, but here's something to remember me by. Baby".

We go down to the alley where we hear a kissing sound, followed by a **SLAP**. Roberto falls down the fire-escape, hitting a few steps along the way before falling at Todd's feet, grinning

"Oooooh I think she likes me, man", he giggles.

**Ooooh I could have danced all night**

**I could have danced all night...**

He teeters after the others, still more than slightly concussed

"**Good**!", snaps Rahne

"Cut, cut now, before they all kill each other", Forge shakes his head, "...seesh, I knew wolves were territorial but.."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", growls Rahne, turning into a wolf.

"Help", whimpers Roberto.

"….I'm going to get drunk", says Sam with a sigh.

**&&&&**

(1) – Yes, they are. There are very few 'good' Forges….very, very few. He can be evil very easily, it seems. One a side note ULTIMATE FORGE IS BACK!. You can tell this excites me, no?

Oh what a mad chapter, this is why I shouldn't edit things while on a 'I Found Forge' high. Do review. Until next time…


	12. Get rich quick

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Is a hug between two grown men supposed to last that long?"

**&&&&&**

ACT 12 - Get rich quick

**&&&&&**

We got to the house-boat, where the dog team are congratulating each other on a job well done, depositing Jamie out of the bag onto the floor

"Huh?", blinks Jamie in confusion, "...What's going on you guys?"

"It was just the rescue of the century", grins Roberto, "...should've seen Hankie handle that butler"

"Rescue?", asks Jamie

"I was rather good, wasn't I?", chuckles Hank.

"Modesty will get you far", mutters Todd, "...And how about Roberto and Miss Six-Time National Champion?"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", growls Rahne

"You're not going to go all 'Alpha Female' on me again..are you?", asks Forge, "I don't want to have to get a tranq gun out"

"Hey..hey but wait", Jamie blinks, "..I..I don't understand you guys"

"Hey...you okay, kid?", asks Wanda

"Yeah..I'm fine", says Jamie, "..but.."

Roberto laughs and wraps a foreleg around Jamie's neck

"Hey, sure he is", he grins, "He's back with his Uncle Roberto"

"...We. Are. Not. Related", growls Jamie, "I was happy there. Why did you guys take me away?"

He backs off, looking down and depressed

"We rescued you, kitty", says Freddy, "We..we brought you home"

"But...well. I...I have another home now", says Jamie, "And someone who loves me"

"I so do **not**!", shouts Kitty from backstage

"What do you mean, kid?", asks Todd, "You're in the gang".

"But but...", stammers Jamie

Jamie cowers as Todd stalks around him

"The gang means family", growls Todd, "We risked a lot to get you outta there".

"Look, I'm sorry", says Jamie, "but all I ever wanted was..."

"What? This place not good enough for you anymore?", snaps Todd, "Don't want to mix with the riffraff?"

"No..no I like you. I mean, I like. I like every one of you", says Jamie, upset, "but..But there was a little girl.."

"You're **younger** than me!", shouts Kitty.

"Kitty! You're ruining the mood of sadness and angst", snaps Forge, "stop it!"

"...I just wanna go back", says Jamie sadly.

"We never should've took him, Todd", says Wanda quietly.

"But, Todd, please...", begs Jamie

"You wanna leave?", asks Todd, "Fine! There's the door"

"But he just got here", says Freddy

"Go on", says Todd coldly, "No one's stoppin' ya!"

"Hey..Todd", says Roberto, "man, uh..lighten up"

"**YOU** lighten up!", snaps Todd, "If he doesn't like it, let him go"

Todd stalks past the rest of the gang and sits on his chair, his back turned to the lot of them. Jamie looks sadly at the others, who look equally as sad. In his soon-to-be Oscar winning performance, Jamie makes himself look really small and mopes off towards the door. He looks back once at Todd's back.. then closes his eyes, climbing the stairs.

"Awww heck, it's even making **me** cry", says Wanda with a sniffle.

As Jamie climbs up a few stairs, Jason is walking down them, picking Jamie up absent-mindedly.

"Oh, it's hopeless", he says sadly.

"…So much for leaving", mutters Jamie.

Todd jumps out of the chair in time for Jason to sit down. He pats Jamie on the head, then notices his expensive new collar

"What's this?", Jason pauses, "...You know, if my character had **any** brains, he would just pawn off the gold collar...but noooooooo"

"Jason...that would mess up the rest of the plot", says Forge.

"Okay, okay", sighs Jason, "So that's where you've been! Looks like you're doing alright for yourself, Jamie. Your owner probably spends more money on catnip than we do on food in a month. He's probably worried sick about you. All alone in that big house with only his money to comfort him"

Backstage, Warren bursts into tears

"He's right", he sobs, "...I'm so very, very lonely"

"...I think ye hit a sore point", blinks Rahne

"Only his millions and millions of dollars to..", carries on Jason

"**STOP RUBBING IT IN**!", screams Warren.

"I'm reading from the script!", says Jason

"...Oh", says Warren sheepishly.

"That's it! Were saved!", Jason laughs happily (an odd sigh from him) and jumps up wincing, "Bad back, bad back! What a plan!"

He grabs some paper and a pen and struggles to put up an ironing board, writing on the paper, the board sinking every time he leans on it

"Dear Mister Rich...", he scribbles it out, "Mister VERY Rich...I can feel my brain cells dying with this role as we speak..."

We go to the Xavier mansion, where Kitty gets off the school bus and heads inside

"Jamie? Jamie!", she calls.

Amara is lounging on the couch, lifting her hind legs to an exercise programme, not looking in the least bit worried as Kitty runs around the house, trying to find Jamie

"Amara, help me find Jamie", she says.

As Kitty runs off again, Amara turns off the TV with her paw, then sits up, giving a false sad expression

"Oh, where could he be?", she smirks to herself, then looks in the fish bowl, "He's not here"

Kitty is crawling around on the floor by the door

"Where is he? Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty", she pauses, "...I feel like I'm calling myself"

She stops when she finds a note pushed half way through the letter box, picking it out to read it

"Dear Mister Very Rich Cat-Owner Person..."

As Kitty reads, Amara walks into the kitchen, humming to herself as she picks up Jamie's bowl and 'accidentally' drops it in the bin

"Ooops". she smirks.

She pads back to the hall, where Kitty is still reading the letter

"And if you don't bring the money, you'll never see your cat again. Oh no", she sighs, "...Amara, something terrible has happened!"

She snuffles and gives Amara a hug, Amara's chin resting on her shoulder, her face out of Kitty's view

"They've kidnapped Jamie!"

Amara makes a sound that could be confused as sniffling, when it is really snickering

"Oh, Amara, you loved him too", she says

"Loved me too? So **you** love me?", Jamie grins, "..Wanna date me?"

"No!", snaps Kitty, "Don't worry we're going to get him back"

Amara gasps in shock

**&&&&&&**

Onwards! 


	13. Stakes get higher

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Sharks don't attack at night, they're playing with us"

**&&&&&**

ACT 13 - Stakes get higher

**&&&&&**

We shift to the dark and gloomy Acolyte mansion, where Jason is standing outside

"I'm cold and wet", mutters Jason, "outside my own home!"

"Just shut up and act", says Forge, "...fuzz monkey"

"I am **not** a fuzz monkey!", shouts Jason, "why does **everyone** think I'm a monkey"

"I don't", smiles Rahne.

"Thank you, Rahne", says Jason.

"Ye welcome", says Rahne, "here, have a banana"

"Thank you", says Jason, taking it then blinks, "….hey"

He mutters under his breath and clears his throat

"This is an airtight plan, Summers", he says, "Sweet and simple. I ransom the kitty, and you get paid in full tomorrow. I'll even toss in a little extra, for your patience. Whaddya say? It's my final offer. Take it or leave it"

He holds out his hand and shakes...Todd's paw. He saunters proudly to the door and presses the buzzer

"Yeah, who is it!", comes Alex's voice.

..And thus Jason loses all sense of bravado as the camera by the door swivels to look at him, as Jason desperately tries to stay out of it's focus

"Jason, it's you", he smirks, "Why didn't you say so?"

"Oh, good question", says Jason, "But listen...if you're busy, we can drop by some other time"

Alex chuckles evilly from his desk inside pressing a big red button to...

"You **NEVER** press the big red button!", screams Forge suddenly.

"Forge...it's just 't door lock", says Rahne

"Oh", Forge coughs, "...I knew that"

"Don't be silly, just push the door", smiles Alex.

Outside, Jason starts to pull on the door, it not budging an inch

"I said, push!", shouts Alex.

Jason gives a nervous laugh and leans on the door, it opening and dropping him and Todd inside. They go down a lift before entering Alex's office, where he is talking on the phone

"What do you mean? You start with the knuckles", he notices Jason step in and smiles, "Ahh, Jason. Do come in. I'll be right with you"

He goes back to his phone call

"Yeah. No, you don't kill 'im yet. Huh? Yeah. And then, what's the last thing you do? You put on the cement shoes"

"…Ladies and gentlemen, my baby brother", says Scott.

While Alex is talking, Jason glances at a model of Alex's car, giving it a tap. He breaks off the side mirror, the same on that he did on the **real** car. He squeaks and frantically tries to put it back

"Yeah, yeah, that's right. Come on, hey, don't worry about it. Aloha"

He puts the phone down and Jason jumps, taking his hand off the model, the little side mirror dropping to the ground with a clink

"So, Jason", he smiles, "Did we bring something green and wrinkly to make me happy?"

"...I have Toad", offers Jason.

"Hey!", says Todd.

"Summers, I have an airtight kitty", Jason blinks, "...plan, plan! It's sweet and simple..the plan"

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy", mutters Alex.

"Lets just take this from the top...", says Jason

With a growl, Remy and Lance suddenly appear, circling Jason and Todd

"What am I gonna do with you, Jason?", sighs Alex.

"I've go this kitty, see..", says Jason

"Jason", Alex shakes his head, "...you don't got the money"

He snaps his fingers and Remy and Lance lunge forward, Todd jumping in between then and snarling, before being dragged into a dog fight

"I bruise easily!", cries Todd

"Summers, I'm getting you money tonight!", says Jason desperately, "It's coming tonight! Please, it's from a rich cat...I mean a cat from a rich family's paying..They're coming tonight with the money I owe you, to get the cat back!"

He flings himself over Alex's desk, Jamie held out in his arms. Alex clicks his fingers and Remy and Lance drop Todd to the ground, stalking back into the shadows. Alex takes Jamie in his hands while Jason goes to check on Todd

"Release me from your grimy rough surfer hands!", snaps Jamie

"Call the vet...call the vet", gasps Todd.

"Hey, I think there's hope for you yet. I'm proud of you, Jason", smirks Alex, "Yeah, you're starting to think big. You've got 12 hours"

Jamie hops from Alex's hands to stand by Jason and Todd

"And Jason?", says Alex, "This is your last chance"

We go to later that night, where Kitty is walking along the dark docks, Amara being dragged along on a lead in a doggie water-proof, not looking happy

"Princesses don't **do** docks", Amara sniffs haughtily.

"Turn left...right when you get to the big propeller...", Kitty looks at Jason's map...which a five year old could have drawn better.

"OK, so I'm not a Picasso, so sue me!", snaps Jason.

"Oh Amara, I can't read this", she says, "I think we're lost. Stick close, Amara, it's creepy down here"

"If you think I'm protecting you, you have another think to think about", mutters Amara.

Kitty walks off again, dragging Amara behind her. Not too far off, Jason is waiting with the dogs, Jamie in his pocket

"He's late", says Jason, "I drew a perfectly good map"

He looks at his arm, where there are 4 different watches, all a few minutes ahead or behind each other

"These things are really weighing down my arm you know...", says Jason

"Oh boo hoo, woe is me, I have **TWO** arms", snaps Forge.

"Oooooh somebody boarded the bitter train", grins Rahne

"Shut up, wolf lady", growls Forge

"Well, there were a few smudges on it, okay", says Jason, "I went outside the line with the green crayon..but not that much"

"Loser", comments Jamie.

Todd limps up to the other dogs. Rahne pokes Wanda who sighs and puts on a look of fake concern

"Oh, Todd"

"Hey, Wanda", he grins, "they never laid a paw on me"

"...Yeah, that's why you're limping", smirks Wanda

"Ooooooh concern", Todd grins, "I **knew** you loved me!"

"Todd, I do not, I repeat, do **not** love you", snaps Wanda

"Ooooh, wait", whimpers Jason, "What if he comes and he's huge..and mean?"

Jason backs into Kitty

"Excuse me, sir", she says.

"It's the F.B.I! I didn't do it! I didn't do it!", he screams, "I was framed!"

He freaks and falls backwards into a bunch of ropes, getting tangled in them. He coughs when he sees it's Kitty and untangles himself, a bucket remaining stuck on his foot

"Listen, little girl.."

"I prefer young woman", sniffs Kitty.

"Shut up, you're a girl!", says Forge

"...Yeah. Listen, this is a tough neighbourhood", says Jason, "You'd better go home"

Roberto peeks around Jason's legs to blow kisses at Amara, who rolls her eyes

"I can't", says Kitty sadly, "I'm lost"

"Aww, gee", says Jason, "Lost, well..."

Jamie tries to struggle out of Jason's pocket to get to Kitty

"My love returned to me!", shouts Jamie happily.

"I'd help you, but I'm kinda busy right now", says Jason, "What're you doing down here anyway?"

"I came to find my kitty", says Kitty.

"Your kitty?", Jason winces.

"Somebody stole him", says Kitty sadly.

"But..but, are you sure?", tries Jason, "Maybe you made a mistake..."

In the darkness, we can see Alex's Mercedes parked up, Alex, Remy and Lance waiting inside

"I even brought this to get him back", says Kitty, pulling out a little piggy bank

"Oh, you brought a piggy bank", groans Jason.

"That's all I have. What kind of person would steal a poor, little kitty!", asks Kitty

"But I...I mean, maybe he..maybe he was up against the wall", tries Jason, "at the end of his rope"

Kitty starts to cry

"...And now I feel guilty", he says, "He must have been a poor, desperate man"

"It's still wrong!", snaps Kitty, "I'm so scared, I don't know what to do"

"Neither do I!", says Jason.

He walks off a little way (the bucket still on his foot) and takes Jamie out of his pocket, who does another award-winning 'aren't I a cute helpless kitten that makes you wanna cry?' look. Jason sighs and moves to give Jamie to her, before thinking twice and dropping Jamie into a box, a kittenple falling out

"Oww, hey, after that **REALLY** cute look too!", shouts Jamie.

"Hey! Guess what!", says Jason, "I found a little lost kitten. I don't know, take a look, maybe he's yours"

Jason picks up Jamie and hands him to Kitty, who laughs happily and cuddles him

"Jamie! My Jamie", she says.

Oh yeah! I'm in", smirks Jamie, "I'm in, I'm iiiii-nnnnnn"

"...I'm reading from my script, Jamie", says Kitty pointedly.

Jason blinks as Alex's Mercedes starts up, driving past them all. The door opens and he yanks Kitty in, throwing Jamie out of the open window

"No, wait, you can't do this!", shouts Jason

The car stops next to Jason and Alex's hand comes out, dumping the bucket on Jason's head

"Keep your mouth shut", growls Alex, "Consider our account closed"

With that, he drives off.Jamie tries to stagger to his feet, Todd helping him up

"Wh...what happened?", says Jamie.

"You okay, kid?", asks Todd.

"Kitty?", Jamie gasps, "He took Kitty!"

"Don't worry, we'll get her back", says Todd

"Y..you will?", says Jamie.

"Hey, absitively, kid", Todd groans, "ugh, lingo"

"Come on, man, let's go!", says Roberto.

With that, the dogs, and Jamie, run off

"Wait, come back! Stay, sit!" shouts Jason, "...Damn disobedient dogs.."

**&&&&& **

Onwards! 


	14. Rail safety first!

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Do mobsters ever congregate around your house?" "All the time, sometimes I bring them lemonade"

**&&&&&**

ACT 14 - Rail safety first!

**&&&&&**

We cut to the Acolytes headquarters...err Alex's lair. Outside, the dogs and Jamie have gathered

"Oh man, it don't look good", says Roberto.

"It's all locked up, Todd", says Hank

"Alright, there's gotta be some way in", says Todd with a frown

He glances up at a window up high in the lair...

"My lair doesn't have any windows", says Magneto, blinking.

"...It does now", smiles Forge

Todd sees another window leading to the basement and grins

"Yeah", he grins, "Henry..."

Inside the building, Remy and Lance are stalking around Kitty as Alex ties her to a chair

"Don't cry, little girl", says Alex

"I'm the same age as you, beach bum!", snaps Kitty

"I'll ignore that comment", says Alex, "They only eat when I tell them to"

"I wouldn't eat you, Pretty Kitty", smiles Lance

"...Dog Hood", mutters Kitty.

Back outside, the dogs have set up a seesaw effect, an American football helmet on one end, while Beast is above the others balancing on a few boxes

"Henry, you all set", asks Todd

"This is because of that fat-boy thing, isn't it!", sniffles Hank.

"Mr McCoy, no one here thinks ye fat, right cast and crew?", asks Rahne

"Riiiiiiiiiggggggghhht", say the cast and crew in unison.

"Fine. Farewell, Dulcinea", says Hank.

"Henry!", snap the dogs.

"Peasants", mutters Hank.

"Maestro?", grins Todd.

Roberto gives a grin and drums his tail on a trash can. We see Jamie snuggled up inside the American football helmet

"Ready, Kid?", asks Todd.

"If I said no, would you let me leave?", asks Jamie

"No", says Forge simply.

"Darn", says Jamie, "Yeah"

"Go!", shouts Todd.

Beast does a small salute before diving off onto the other end of the seesaw, catapulting Jamie and the helmet through one of the top windows, making a crash

"...I'm hurt", call the resulting kintenples.

Inside, Alex glances up from the noise

"Remy, Lance", he orders.

Remy and Lance walk off to see what the noise was, meanwhile, Jamie is walking around the dark and spooky lair. Lance walks past him, just missing him behind a pile of boxes. Once they have gone, Jamie runs over to the basement window and opens the catch, pushing the door open. Freddy is about to burst in when Roberto stops him.

"Hey, hey, hey!", snaps Roberto, "There's a lady present"

He smiles and steps aside for Amara to go through

"Well, it's nice to see that one of you has some manners", sniffs Amara.

"After you, my little", Roberto grins, "...croissant"

"Good grief", mutters Hank

"...I'm here too", says Wanda.

Once they are all inside, the gang start to creep through the building

"And remember, quiet!", hisses Todd.

"**AHHHHHHHHH**!", screams Amara, "...Oh, I broke a nail"

"Oh, balderdash", mutters Hank, shaking his head.

"What'd you call my woman!", growls Roberto.

"Grrrrrrrrr", growls Rahne

"Freeze!", hisses Todd.

They all stop to see a camera whirr towards them, keeping stock still

"Yo, Roberto", whispers Todd.

"Right, I'll check it out", says Roberto.

Roberto sidesteps away and walks behind the camera, biting through the wires, zapping himself. In Magne...Alex's office, we see the picture of that camera go out, as Alex talk on the phone

"Yeah, oh that's funny, Mr Worthington", he says, "But I don't think you really appreciate the situation. Somebody could get hurt"

Kitty smiles as she sees the gang cross by another camera, coming onto the screen briefly

"You just get the old man on the phone and tell him it's about his daughter..Kitty"

The gang are now on a beam just above Alex and Kitty

"All right, listen up...", says Todd.

As it fades to a group whispering, Lance is getting suspicious

"You smell that?", asks Lance

"Yeah. Heh heh, it's party time", grins Remy.

Meanwhile, the groups start to gather random items, eventually making a silhouette of a pizza delivery guy, knocking on Alex's door

"I didn't order any pizza", blinks Alex, getting a gun and heads off to the door, as he opens it, the gang goes to hide, "Where are those dogs?"

As he wanders off, Todd and Jamie run into the office, where Kitty is still tied up. Jamie give a cute meow and jumps on her shoulder

"Jamie", says Kitty, "I thought I'd never see you again"

"Still want to date me?", grins Jamie

"**NO**!"

Meanwhile, Freddy, Beast and Roberto run right into Remy and Lance as they try to lead Alex away

"..Gentlemen", says Hank

"What's de occasion?", smirks Remy, "Come to rescue your little friend?"

"Say goodbye, Henry", growls Lance.

"Ohhh boys!", from above them, Amara drops a big canvas on top of Remy and Lance, "Whoopsy-daisy!"

"All right, what a woman!", grins Roberto.

They all run into the office, closing the door behind them

"Henry, you keep an eye on the monitors", says Todd, "Wanda, over here"

"Oh, so **NOW** I'm noticed!", snaps Wanda.

Hank goes to watch the TV monitors while Wanda starts to chew through Kitty's rope. Outside in the corridor, Alex has found Remy and Lance and pulls the canvas off them

"What is this, a slumber party?", snaps Alex, "Get goin', ya stupid mutts!"

"Hey!", says Remy, "I'm a purebred"

Back in the office, Beast is watching a ballet on the monitors

"Henry, is the coast clear?", asks Todd, "...**HENRY**!"

Todd switches to the camera, where we see Alex, Remy and Lance heading towards the room. As everyone starts to panic, Todd sees a hook hanging from the ceiling

"Roberto, hot-wire!", shouts Todd.

"Hey, no way, Todd, man", says Roberto, "I've been barbecued too many times!"

Amara smiles and bats her eyelashes at him

"Good luck, Roberto", she smiles, "I'll be waiting"

"...Hey", grins Roberto.

**Heigh-ho, heigh-ho**

**It's off to work we go**

**Da da da dade da da**

"Okay, missy ye and me, after filming", growls Rahne, "I'll kick your wee little boot!"

Alex rattles the door handle of the office loudly before Rahne and Amara can start fighting again

"What is this?", asks Alex, "All right, girlie, open the door"

Roberto finds the controls for the hook and pulls out a wire, sending it down. The dogs hook it to Kitty's chair and climb onto it. Roberto puts another wire back, frazzling himself and sending the hook up to the ceiling...just as Alex blasts through the door, Remy and Lance snarling, just missing it.

"..Dang", says Alex, "Come on!"

Meanwhile, Roberto is screaming as he rides the hook machine along a track in the ceiling, taking everyone else with him. Alex blasts the control box, dropping the dogs, Jamie and Kitty onto a spiral ramp, which takes them all to Alex's feet.

"This has all been very entertaining", smirks Alex, "But the Luou is over"

Just before he clan click his fingers, Jason rids in on his scooter, the gang jumps on and Jason rides off

"...Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die", chants Jason.

Roberto laughs as Remy and Lance fade into the distance.

"Hey, man, you're ugly! And you're uglier than him", he laughs, "And you're ugly, part three!. Hey, you're revenge of the ugly, heh heh...ho?"

Roberto squeaks as Alex's car speed up behind them, going to mow them down

"See, here's that death..nasty death", says Jason.

Jason skids the scooter into the subway, Alex following right behind, his car sending off sparks as it scratches the walls. Jason drives the scooter onto the railway tracks. Alex follows, his tyres being ground into nothing as he speeds along the track, sending out sparks of electricity.

"Whoah", grins Alex, "just like Back to the Future!"

Alex rams the back of the scooter, throwing Kitty onto the hood of the car. Alex sticks his hand out of the window, reaching out to grab her in.

"I'll save you, my love!", calls Jamie.

Jamie leaps off the scooter onto Alex's hand, biting a huge chuck out of it

"Owww!", says Alex.

Alex tosses Jamie into the car, where Remy and Lance growl at him. Todd leaps from the scooter onto the car and into the sun roof, starting to fight with Remy and Lance. Remy and Todd smash through the back window onto the boot of the car, Remy struggling to get a grip.

"..Uh oh, dis won't be pretty", says Remy, "De Remy fans, dey will be mad"

"We can live with it", smirks Forge.

Remy sighs and grabs Todd's bandana, it breaking off and sending Remy onto the track, where he gets electrocuted and **DIES**

"I'll avenge you!", yells Lance.

Lance leaps out at Todd, pushing his head over the side of the boot, Todd's head very close to the rails. Jamie jumps onto Lance's head, sticking his claws in his eyes.

"And now you'll anger the Lance fans", says Lance.

"Big deal", shrugs Rahne.

Lance yelps, falling back onto the tracks and **DIES**. Todd catches Jamie just in time as the track heads onto a bridge outside

"Mr Jason, Mr Jason, help me!", shouts Kitty, "wait, how do I know his name?"

"Plot hole, dead ahead!", shouts Todd, "careful ya don't fall"

"Why me!", sighs Jason.

Jason moves from steering the scooter to trying to lean on the other side to try and pull Kitty back

"All right, check it out!", grins Roberto, "Vrrooom vrroooom!"

Roberto takes over the steering, as Alex climbs halfway out of the car to try and pull Kitty back in. Jason turns to see a train heading right for them

"...Messy messy death", whimpers Jason.

Amara screams and wraps her forelegs around Roberto's head.

"Ahrrrrghhh! Save me, Roberto!"

"Hey, get off my back, woman I'm driving!", snaps Roberto.

Kitty makes a leap from the hood of the car, jumping onto the scooter. Roberto steers the scooter onto a wire holding the bridge up, the train heading right towards Alex and his car.

"...Bummer", says Alex.

The train smashes right through Alex's car and Alex **DIES**

"And cut", says Forge

"Isn't that a bit...och I don't know..cruel?", asks Rahne.

"After everything we've been put through?", asks Forge, "No. Besides, all they have to do is click on and they'll get the last Act"

"...Then we'll be free", grins Rahne

"Freeeee!", shout Forge and Rahne.

**&&&&&**

Yes, well, do as the directors say, click on to the final act.


	15. PARTY!

Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Hitched a ride on the porcelain express"

**&&&&**

ACT 15 - P-A-R-T-Y!

**&&&&**

We go back to the bridge, where we see the remains of Alex's car.. and Alex bits floating off into the river

"...You killed my brother!", whimpers Scott

"Oh come on, who's gonna miss him?", shrugs Forge.

"I'm not dead", calls Alex from the water, "I feel happy. I feel happy!" (1)

Roberto steers the scooter backwards until it stops on the service area of the bridge

"Jamie?", calls Kitty.

She hops off the scooter and onto the service area, looking around worriedly. Todd limps up, carrying a very limp Jamie in his mouth. Kitty sadly takes Jamie in her arms and hugs him

"Mew?", says Jamie pathetically.

"Jamie?", says Kitty, "**JAMIE**!"

Kitty happily snuggles Jamie and pats Todd on the head, the gang watching on happily. Roberto blinks and goes to find Amara, who is still clinging to the scooter, her hair frizzled up.

"**HAH**!", laughs Rahne, "och aye, that's attractive"

"Looks like my friend Pappa Joe", smirks Forge, "...from the seventies!"

We cut to the next day, where Kitty is having a birthday party in the mansion, all the gang there. Everyone singing.

**Happy birthday to you**

**Happy birthday to you**

**Happy birthday dear Kitty**

**Happy birthday to you**

**And many more, **sings Jason

"Don't forget to make a wish, Kitty", says Warren.

Kitty blows out the candles and everyone cheers

"Can we hurry this up?", asks Jason, "the joy and loving atmosphere is killing me"

"All right, anybody want some cake?", asks Kitty.

"Not if you baked it", says Forge.

Hank is about to reply when he hears Salsa music. He turns to see Roberto teaching Amara how to dance.

"You got it now, baby!", grins Roberto, "Yeah, left foot, right foot"

"Roberto, you dance divinely", grins Amara.

Inside the kitchen, Jason and Warren are watching the wrestling on TV

"He's cheating!", shouts Jason

"Body slam! Come on, hit him again!", shouts Warren, "Murder him! Twist his arm!"

The phone rings and Warren picks it up, changing from primitive monster to calm and proper butler in a matter of seconds

"Pryde residence", he says, "Mr Pryde!"

"Body slam him now!", shouts Jason.

"Shhhh!", hisses Warren, "My goodness, you're back tomorrow? Oh, she'll be so surprised to see you. Yes, goodbye sir"

The second Warren puts the phone down, he's back to the beast he was

"Hit him!", he snarls, "Come on, murder him!"

One of the wrestlers pins another and Warren grins smugly

"I believe that's a ten spot, old sport", he smirks.

Jason looks around his pockets with a nervous chuckle

"Now..where is that cheque book?", says Jason, "Oh, look at the time! Well, heh heh, we'd better be going"

"...Indeed", says Warren dryly.

Jason steals an apple from the bowl and heads into the living room

"Henry, Wanda, Roberto, vamonos!", he calls.

Kitty opens her last present, finding an old trainer

"Now, Kitty, have we forgotten anything?", says Warren.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks, everyone, the gifts were great", Kitty grimaces, "...yeah, right"

We see a pile of old junk

"Bye, Mr Jason, and thank you", says Kitty.

"...Why do I always have to hug people in these parodies?", asks Jason, "I hate hugging"

"Because it's fun", smirks Forge, "now hug her!"

"I don't want to hug you either, for the record", says Kitty.

Kitty gives Jason a hug and Jason pats her on the head

"Come on boys, it's time for us to go!", says Jason, "…now"

"...I smell of monkey", mutters Kitty.

The dogs start to head outside, and Amara smiles sweetly at Roberto heading upstairs

"Roberto, darling, could I see you for a moment", she smirks, ",..privately?"

"Bow chica wow wow", grins Jamie.

"What did I say about that!", snaps Forge.

"You guys beat it, uh me and my baby", Roberto grins, "we gotta talk"

Roberto grins, ignoring the fact Rahne is trying to stick pins in an Amara voodoo doll, following Amara upstairs

"You know, you're not so bad for a bug-eyed little creep", says Amara, "With a little grooming..that's it! We'll start with a bath!"

Roberto. Stops. Dead

"Bath?"

Outside, Jason starts up his scooter, it backfiring black smoke into Warren's face

"Lets go and get this crappy parody over with!", says Jason.

"Bye bye", smiles Freddy, "man, this was a crappy role"

"Oh, Jamie, we shall meet again", says Hank

"See you around, kid", says Wanda

"Bye you guys", grins Jamie.

Jason drives off, the gang following after him, Todd stops to look at Jamie

"Listen, kid, you just wanna hang out or anything..".

We heard a scream and Roberto runs out of the mansion in a sailor outfit

"**HAH**!", laughs Rahne

"Aiee! Hey, Todd, do you see her anywhere?", Roberto asks, "Man, I can't keep this woman off me! Oh man, I gotta get away from that chick"

Amara appears on her balcony, not looking happy

"Robertoooo!", she calls

"Uh oh..goodbye Jamie!", says Roberto with a squeak.

Roberto runs off as fast as he can, the little outfit falling off him as he goes

"Roberto DaCosta, you come back here this minute!", shouts Amara

"Hey, whoah, kid. Do you think you can handle the champ?", asks Todd.

"Sure", says Jamie.

He holds out a low paw, and pulls it away before Todd and slap it

"Hey! You're okay...for a cat", Todd smirks, "We'll keep a spot open for ya in the gang, vice president, uptown chapter. Later, kid"

He jumps onto a garbage van as it drives away. Kitty waving them away with Jamie and Warren

**Why should I worry**

**Tell me, why should I care**

"What a delightful scoundrel", Warren pauses, "...yeah, right...I'm going to get drunk"

**Say, I may not have a dime**

**Oh, but I got street savoir faire**

Wanda and Hank land beside him to join in the singing.

**Why should we worry**

**Why should we care**

**We may not have a dime**

**But we got street savoir faire**

Roberto goes past on top of a police car, hitting the siren like a drum

_**Why should we worry**_

_**Why should we care**_

_**It's just be-bopulation**_

_**We got street savoir faire**_

He jumps off, landing with the gang, he and Todd eye up Rogue and Jubilee, both dogs, until Wanda yanks Todd away

**The rhythm of the city**

**Boy once you get it down**

**Then you can own this town**

**You can wear the crown**

They jumps form car to car, eventually jumping onto the back of the scooter

**Why should we worry**

**Why should we care**

**It's just doo-wopulation**

**We got street savoir faire**

**Why should we worry**

**Why should we care**

**Even when we cross that line**

**We got street savoir faire**

The picture zooms out onto Bayville as the parody ends

"Ends?", asks Rahne

"It's over!", grins Forge

"Hahahahahhahaha!", laughs Rahne, "**DONE**!"

"I'm leaving now and not coming back for a **LONG** time!", grins Forge, running off happily.

"Wait!", shouts Todd, "Who's going to change us back into humans?...Forge?. **FORGE**!"

**&&&&&**

(1) – Random Monty Python quote!

Well, I'm sure he'll change them back eventually...Well, I hope you enjoyed this parody, do review! I think this is the fasted upgrade I've done so far! Thanks for reading. Ta ta!


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